Chapter 1 - Phantom Pain

Chapter 1

Phantom Pain

    It's dark... dark and foggy. 

    I can hardly see where to place the next step. 

    I feel like I'm surrounded by a dense forest with muddy ground. The smell is of wet sand as it feels after a heavy rain. I'm not comfortable and I look for a sign of dry land unsuccessfully so.

    Distracted and weary I start to feel a strange sensation that chills me to the bone, a shudder down my spine and I can't bear to look behind. I am sure there's someone or something lurking in the shadows.

     As the fear grows within me the silence seems disturbingly deafening and tension increases underneath. I feel like I have to try and move as fast as I possibly can and avoid this "thing" from revealing itself and making my fear become despair or worse...

    I finally see an entrance door that seems to lead to a very large camp house that looks empty. I know, it's not ideal, but my hope is that I can hide from whatever is outside and from the cold wet air of the swamps.

    The atmosphere of loneliness and abandonment inside the house makes me instantly regret my decision to go inside. But there's no where left to go.

    Soon enough the chills behind my neck are back. The presence again. It's here.

    I desperately look for a place to hide, I run up the stairs and lock myself inside an old room with a colonial four poster bed. It is surprisingly conserved. Covered with clean crimson sheets and sheer curtains.  

 

    Soon I realize there really is someone after me when a loud bang on the door echoes making my hair stand on end. The cold chills on my spine spread through my whole body inadvertently, because I know now it's just a matter of time before I finally meet my demise. 

    There's no reason to hide now, and I dare look at the door to what has been following me and terrorizing me mercilessly.

    But it is no creature, it is a man. 

    Or at least he looks like a man. He's tall and scary strong. And although his clothes look like they were tailored for the aristocracy of regency era, it is dirty and stained as if he had been on a fight. He also has an animal hunger in his eyes, the green in his eyes don't seem human, because they shine in an unnatural way. He looks angry and there are red stains on his short wispy beard. Which is even scarier. Is that blood? It doesn't seem like it's his.

 

    I close my eyes in a pointless attempt to avoid the attack I'm about to experience. It's all dark.

 

    But then the attack never comes...

    The fear slowly gives place to a soothing welcoming feeling of being safe and cherished. 

              I open my eyes.

              I'm in a large field with no trees for miles. The wind is blowing coolly and comfortably.

          This time there's a comforting presence beside me and I feel a magnetic force that makes me want to reach for his hand.

     I look up to his face. I meet a pair of  bright blue hooded eyes. A strand of his dark long hair falls into his face to what I automatically reach with my left hand and push it behind his ears. It seems so natural even though I don't quite understand what's happening.

     He looks so familiar but I'm sure I have never seen him before. And I sympathize with the tiredness and sorrow in his eyes. All I want to do is hold him in my arms and say that everything will be alright. There's an explosion of warmth in my chest, the feeling that I could never be close enough or have enough of his presence. And we look at each other but we don't say anything. we don't have to. I know he feels exactly the same and he whispers my name under his breath, - Isobel...

               Somehow, I want to call his name, and without thinking, my voice comes in a low whisper...

           - Sebastian...

               And that's when I wake up.

        It's a cold and grey morning of February. It's usually sunny and warm this time of the year, but today is an atypical day. Maybe I want to believe that my somber mood really does have some influence over the weather today. Especially because it is my birthday.

        It's not that I don't like my birthdays. Hell, I've been waiting for my 18th birthday for forever. I have always believed that somehow everything would magically change over night. All the things that were out of my control would fall into place and I would be able to finally be free.         One way or another we are always waiting for something to happen to make us, at long last, start living the lives we are meant to live. 

        But that's not how it feels. Nothing has really changed. 

        It appears that age is indeed just a number. At least in what comes to changing how I feel.

It seems that one thing I can actually control is how I want to live this day, so I decide it's not going to be mourning over the lack of control. 

        Yes. Here it goes.

        Soon enough my mother comes through the door with a large breakfast in bed and big smile on her face. 

"Happy birthday, my lovely!"

        I don't look much like my mother, She's short and skinny, she has long dark hair and beautiful hazel eyes. I got my blonde hair from my father's side of the family. And while my mother's hair is full and lively with curls, my hair is wavy and not at all what I wanted. Well, I guess not liking yourself comes with adolescence. Here's to hoping this will be another thing changing with age, insecurities.

        "Why do you look so spiritless? " My mother asks quizzically. She has always been the excited type. The life of the party so to speak. Yet another huge difference between us.

"Cheer up! It's your birthday. I thought you were eager to be 18. " 

(So did I...) - I think to myself.

        After I finish my breakfast, I change to my regular clothes and out of the pajamas. Time to go downstairs and check the preparations for my party. I had been planning it for months with some help from my friends. My parents even let me have the house for myself so I could enjoy a night alone with my friends. 

        As soon as I get downstairs I am surprised by my father's bear hug of happy birthday. - "Happy birthday, Iso-bear" That's how my father's used to calling me. I know it's childish but I really feel loved being called like that. Although I'll never admit it.

        I really just expected a simple gathering with my friends to celebrate my birthday. The most appealing treat for my birthday would really just be spending some time away from adults and their expectations of what I should be or how I should behave. And at least for tonight, I'm covered there. 

        I spend the afternoon gathering ingredients for the party punch, which my friend Val is willing to help with. Because we live in South America it's rare that we have a chance to prepare this kind of beverage. It makes Val extra excited. 

"Some liquid courage to help me out" - She says as she tries some of the punch in a plastic cup. 

"Oh, it's got a hell of a kick!" - She says making a face and letting out a long breath.  

Val has had a crush on Chris since forever and she has plans on acting on it tonight. I only hope we can all have some fun and that she gets what she's looking for. I think Chris is a nice guy and they would definitely look cute together. Contrary to what Val keeps insists, I don't want to get involved with any of the boys we know. There's nothing wrong with them, I guess I'm just waiting for that spark, you know? It just hasn't happened yet. 

         

        The sun has set and the guests are starting to arrive. As usual, I'm late to my own party so I hurry upstairs to get dressed while my dear friend helps me once again, this time welcoming and distracting the guests. 

        I wear my dress and look at the mirror. I selected a long embroidered silk dress for this occasion. It's tight and covered with golden sequin and it makes me feel gorgeous and sexy. I love it. 

        

        I don't know if it's anxiety over the party but I start to feel an odd feeling of uneasiness. I take a look at my hands and realize I'm trembling. That weird shiver down my spine and a cold air behind my neck.  

'I remember this feeling...' My voice comes out in a whisper.

That's when I remember my nightmare from last night. All that agony surfaces and now I' extremely uncomfortable on my skin. As soon as I think of going downstairs to comfort myself in the presence of others, I feel the strongest pain in my chest. An acute pain that made me crumble and search for a place to hold myself from falling on the floor.

        The music downstairs is loud and I'm certain Val is well engaged in her task of distracting everyone. So I know somehow something bad is about to happen.

        Just as I finish the thought, that's when I see him. Behind the glass door that leads to the balcony, hungry bright green eyes staring at me. 

 "This is not real, it can't be." - I mutter to myself again and again trying to make sense of what my eyes can't quite explain.

"This was a nightmare, I must be remembering it" I start speaking louder, in an attempt of bringing myself back to reality. That's when I hear his voice.

"This is real, dearest Isobel. I have found you at last." His voice is strong and thunderous and weirdly so it seems like it echoes in my head. It sends my shivery body to the floor devastated in fear. I can't move. I am not in control of my body. My eyes are heavy. It's all dark...